I try not to tell people that I’m actually a shy person; that at times I’d rather stay at home with take out watching TV all night. When I do, people look at me like I have 3 heads. Mostly due to the fact that I am so outgoing at parties and events. I have met thousands of people in my years, many of who I do consider friends and will get invited to my wedding one day, but at the different stages in my life I’ve had no more than 2-3 really close friends. I have never found an article that could describe something in my life so “on-point”. This article hit the nail right on the head, and I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who thinks and acts like this. Do you?
How do you get a year of your life back? A year wasted on something that you thought could work. Something that you put all your effort in, but received little in return.
Was I wrong? For thinking we could’ve been something for real?
Sometimes I stare into space and just wonder; I wonder what would have happened if I made that decision that I chose not to make. What if I said what my head told my tongue not to say that day, or the complete opposite; what if I didn’t say what I told that person, how different would things be? We all wonder. I tend to create scenarios in which these things unfold. I let my mind race towards infinity, yet I only get so far. This is because I come to the conclusion that things are better now because those decisions were made. What if I didn’t go to college? I wouldn’t have been the first one in my family to receive a bachelor’s degree. What if I didn’t go away to college? I wouldn’t have met great friends and i wouldn’t have found my brothers for life. What if I told that girl back home how I truly felt? I could be a baby daddy right now, something that is not in my present plans. What if I didn’t tell those girls in college how I felt. I wouldn’t have realized the qualities that I truly was looking for in a woman. These decisions have shaped me into the man I am now, and the decisions I make in the future will shape me even more. Change is necessary in life to grow and learn.
Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. Everyone does. I asked my mother if she had any and she said yes. She wanted to travel the world when she was younger, but alas that never came to happen. I asked my father if he had any regrets. He said he wished he knew how to better handle income and expenses when younger so he doesn’t have to work so hard now. These regrets did not deter them from their future. In my opinion they are the greatest people ever, even with regrets.
I stare at my contact list looking at these people I lost touch with. I want to call them and apologize for “X” reason. I don’t though. Something holds me back. May be the fear of the reaction that I will get from the other line. Maybe they hate me, maybe they forgot about it. Or maybe…they forgot about me. I want to fix some regrets I made but while trying to do so I make more decisions which can lead up to more regrets. The cycle.
This is when I start staring into space and just…wonder.@